One of my clients posed the question: Isn’t the goal to be able to be happy in any environment? While I believe that we all could learn to experience more joy and connection now through some simple mindfulness skills I also know that certain environments are more nourishing to our Soul than others.
The essential question is when do we take action and when do we find acceptance?
To answer this question you must reconnect with your inner voice that lets you know what you truly need and where your Ego personality is blocking your from drinking in the goodness around you.
Tip of the day: The key is to slow down and listen to your inner voice 3 times per day.
I would love to hear from you. What are the things you should change that you’ve been stalling on? And what requires you make peace with it so that you can breathe more freely with where you are?
I moved into this city to check it out to just stop in during the journey of my life. My intention was to leave in a year. I met my husband here and we married and started a family. I did not feel the connection to this city before marriage and after and thought if I started a family surely I will feel a connection. I thought that if I would just settle down that it would spark this inner warmth. 11 years later I still have trouble with it. I believe that what your client asked was a very important question… I believe that if your situation is that you can’t leave then you need to find peace and open up you eyes to finding passion in where you are. Can this happen yes is it what your hearts desire is that is for you to know and to come to terms wtih how ? that is the challenge but there is a way…I also believe that where I live at this time I have endured severe trauma here and I can no longer feel safe and my body and mind feels PTS…but even with those feelings I have tried to step outside the victim role and find a place of peace until I can achieve that goal of getting out of here.. what is that ? I take walks by the water , water fills me with peace.. I look up to the sky for light…I see the birds flying, I listen to the leaves rustling…I go into the city and try to take photos , I visit different parts of the city that can give me a spark for the moment. I even visit homes that are for sale or for rent or aparments to see if its just the area I am in…that was my homework for the month of November. I found that its time to leave….now the challenge is selling the home, packing, if the house does not sell what will I do? The house will sell when it will sell is the question so I need to not be a victim of time and stil do what Vanessa says to do in this video and to still connect to the city and to still find peace until I can meet and connect to my destination goal…. I was running around looking for people to give me the answer I was running around shaking the black 8 balls in every store asking for the answer i was asking my 20 month to give me a sign and this is what I did I started to high impact walk and run by the water and I felt peace and release and there I heard follow your dream….and I am scared and excited and scared and woried and excited and scared and anxious and excited…..
Wow Lisa. That’s such a visceral description of how slowly we can sink into soul weariness. It’s not always so easy to ascertain when to breathe and have patience vs. when to let it go and move on! Of course the more times we move through experiences like you describe the stronger our meters get on when to take action and when we might just need to let the roots grow before pulling out the plant. Maybe there’s something to the fact that you never felt the “inner warmth” when you got there. I do believe our body guides us and sometimes it brings us information we may not be ready to hear so we tune it out. I’ve done that with many relationships in my life for sure! I’m so glad you made the decision to love and honor yourself enough to relocate your precious Soul to somewhere that you can thrive. You deserve it. Often I have found that once I’ve extricated myself from a situation like that I’m shocked at how much it actually was wearing me down and how long I accepted what was actually unacceptable. I also love that you found a way to feed yourself and nurture yourself in the meantime. Once we make a decision to change it’s not always so fast to happen! Too often people lose heart, feel defeated or chicken out. But you have found the courage and support to hang in there and follow your dream. Many blessings ma. Thanks for your heartfelt sharing.
Hi Vanessa – it is so wonderful to see and hear you today! I am constantly grappling with this question of when to push for change when to accept life as it is. Some of the impetus to change for me stems from curiousity about the world – what would it be like to live in a different place? to have a different job? to be in a different relationship? who might I be in a different setting?
At this point in my life, I understand that pushing for change is a knee-jerk reaction that prevents me from deepening my connection to whatever situation I find myself in. Instead of gently opening to the invitation of intimacy, or intensity, or greater responsibility, I tend to want to make a change and start over again.
Thankfully, I no longer act so impulsively when faced with challenging situations. I have found patience with the people and experiences around me by loving and being gently understanding with myself.
Right now, I am in the challenging position of working at a job that is very difficult and often traumatic for me. I don’t see my kids and husband as often as I would like, but I am sticking with it as long as I can because I am responsible for bringing in a certain level of income and benefits right now. I know it won’t be forever, and I am working on opening some doors that might lead to a more peaceful and affirming professional life. It is an agonizingly slow process, especially for one who like a more chimeral pace. Thank you for the reminder to listen to my inner voice. I know it will take me where I need to be. XO
Kaety! How fantastic that you listened and shared! Ha. I know all too well that impatience that can drive us into action- any action as long as we’re moving. And of course in some ways it has served me. But like yourself I have had to learn to cultivate some peace and acceptance with where I am since that was not my strong suit to begin with. It seems to be a pendulum effect sometimes where you may at first swing too much in one direction and then swing too far in the other as you say things to yourself like “But you need to be patient cause you know how you can be too impulsive…” I’m sorry to hear that your job is traumatic at times but as you said sometimes it’s what you need to do. The best we can do in those circumstances in my opinion is A) Check in and make sure that’s what we really need to do. Then B) Really feel into and appreciate how meaningful it is that you get to bring that gift to your family. C) Do the best you can to support, nourish and nurture yourself in anyway possible fully recognizing that there is a toll on you. Even if that means leaning on other sometimes. D) As you said- keep cultivating the faith and optimism that this too shall pass. And that everyday brings new and wonderful possibilities. Your inner voice is an amazing one Kaety. I hope you find the space and the stillness to be guided by it. xo
I was always one to leave the minute something was not right a job, boyfriend, friend, city, clothes I would just walk into a store get another shirt if the one I had one bothered me lol…I believe that is why I second guessed myself all these years in my 30′s living in this city. I lost that voice, knowledge , understanding was it me running? was it me not accepting? was it the NYC girl in me that needed a bigger city? So many things but I know that it was ok to be that girl all those years because it saved me there was a balance of course but it saved me from the wrong realationship ,job people places and things and I have allowed that inner voice to be put away and told her to stay out of it because I am in my 30′s now and married with kids so that means you must sit still and that is not true…I am scared , worried and every corner go around I hear this calling to leave and I still hear that othe voice that says are you running? and to what?
Interesting Lisa. Powerful words at the end that really hit me when I read them. Perhaps both can be true- that you need to leave and you also need to check in with what you’re running from. Sometimes we have been running from parts of ourselves, or distracting ourselves from who we are, what we feel and what we need. For you, there may have been a beautiful calling to cultivate stillness, patience and roots- just like Kaety said above- but in the process you started using that voice to second guess yourself. I think there’s a way for you to make moves, while still trusting that you’re not “running” from anything. Sounds like the story for us movers and shakers is that we needed to learn to just find patience and stay. But your pendulum may have swung too far till that intention turned into a nagging fear. Unplug the belief system and dismantle the fear. In truth- it will all be well, all manner of things will be well.
Once again Vanessa you take You Vanessa hammer of words and hit that nail right on……………
So glad Lisa. I think it’s cause I know the places you speak of. I may not have walked your path but I’ve traversed some of the internal plains and dimensions you described. Thank God for Soul Sisters huh?
The question you started and the video that you created by a client asking you this powerful thought provoking question had me really thinking. I am doing the three stage process you ask of your tribe and path seekers and it messed me up. I found myself seeing that yes I can create a safe haven here in my home , I can find things outside of the home to create some happieness , I can put my kids first and let it be all about them and what is comfortable for them. I beleive that you can create a space in your mind of peace and a safe spot in your home. I love my home but when I go outside there is this energy that creates a position that I want to run back inside. I was thinking for the longest time that I might have Agoraphobia!! When I forced myself to get in the car and go into a place that feeds my spirit it would go away I was like a dog that would go for a trip and their tounge hangs out the window and salvia gets everywhere !!! I could feel lights in my brain if I was near water or buildings , So then one day I said I have to find a way to fight this. I went into the city and went to see places that I would like to live near and I thought this is nice but there was not this as Oprah calls it “ahahahaha” moment for me it was a moment of its better then what I am living in now..I need to make it clear that my home is beautiful and fine its the outside the people around me there is nowhere to really walk to recieve creativity but I am not sitting here anymore to allow it to bring me down so I am fighting to find that peace… I even suffer from SADD and when it gets cold well all hell breaks loose in my mind and body , I made myself walk in the 30 degree fog and thought the whole time of Vanessa I thought she would be so proud to see me fight thru this right now… I did. I stil have SADD I am just not going to be a slave to it.. What I have decided to do is to get in the car and drive the 3 hours to the place I desire to live. I have been there so many times and spent so many weekends there but I have not been back to that place in over a year its actually 18 months. I sit and look at the photos , maps, blogs, realestate pages and dream. I took my house off the market and settled on saying all this sounds like a dream and fear settled to try to connect to my home and there is this period of mourning a death of a dream…your mind can talk you out of things a commitee can come into your mind and not let your internal feelings help guide you. So instead of staring into the computer for this internal spark, I am going for a day trip that is 3 hours away and I am going to the spot I dream of and really try to listen to my internal feelings and if it sparks then I will know when I return that there will be a fire in me to make this happen….sorry this is so long…
Brilliant Lisa. I get there’s confusion. And it’s important for us to remember that there’s no right and wrong way. We can make a life out of a lot of circumstances. And sometimes it’s meaningful to put aside our own needs in service of another. The question is at what cost? And do we HAVE to? In other words Viktor Frankl once said to accept a bad situation that you can change is masochistic. To accept one that you cannot change is healthy. So do you HAVE to stay in your home for your kids? How much service does that bring versus how much harm? The second part to this is patience is a virtue for sure. So even when you know you have to make a change the question is when? Is it prudent to wait or is immediacy required? Lastly, as you just pointed out, I will note again that you said the word SAFE. Much different than what brings you alive, makes you feel whole, lightens your heart, uplifts you… You get the picture. I literally did a video yesterday on how we can choose what’s comfortable over what’s expansive. Hopefully that will speak to you as well. So just to be clear- does that mean you are going again to check out the place 3 hours away so that you can see if you still get the AHA? You know Miami may be the sweet spot! LOL.
I had taken time to really feed myself this question , each spoonful of thought was not planned but inserted into my mouth with flavorful intent… On friday I made homemade brownies , opened the back door and let the little ones roam the back yard….in the front I laid out the rules for the older ones to play… I started to make our dinner… I watched my body flow, I listened to my heart beat,I waited and was patient with each breath..what was I hearing? what was I listening to? I then realized that I was listening to my motherhood. I can show you photos of each room with detail each room has a meaning. my kitchen was picked out with intention for open flow so my soul could dance thru the room and my furniture is legacy passed down to me and and each flea market find is on my walls…when I put this home for sale this summer it was intention to get the hells out of here with anger….due to the fact that I did not really enjoy living next to my neighbor and now it has become neighbors. I was very upset with my husband. I also felt that I settled not materially this is a dream but spirtiually settled…I just said “whatever to wherever” I was intentionally giving up on life ….I felt that I needed to make the inside special so I could just become that mother that sits at home all the time I made the best beautiful warm Cave for mother- bear you could ever find…One day I saw my kids and said they come first…and I took the sign down to piss my nieghbors off and to let my kids take the “oxygen mask” first….which is not what they tell you when you get on the plane. On friday I felt overwhelming calmness , peace , love , harmony, I even saw my nieghbor I dislike and felt nothing for them went about my business to walk on my property or to my car.. in the past they gave me the hives, my heartbeat would then start its dance of samba…and the “Hulk” in me just wanted to rip off my shirt and start the dance of ” why of all people in the world did I move next to you ?” I took photos the sunsetting and once again what a pefect night…The truth is if I am on my property to the back of my home and to the left of my home its so peaceful ( nobody can build to the right of me all trees…the nieghbor lives to the left of me and I am stuck in a culdasac so I am cornered by three house full of crazy people . If I sit here and say that I am going to allow myself to just be “the mother” and sit here and be the best I can this way then I will have to moarn and move on and find a way to find the peace… I can do that but that was what I felt that it was all about my kids and all about four walls that I created for myself and the kids. The things I placed in this home can be moved gently to another wall and create the art I created here on new Canvas…..I went to the destination that would be an in between for all of us.. and this is what came out of it that it would be good for my soul watching my children play on the beach and it was about 67 degrees and one just digging with their hands and the other finding the perfect shells and the other looking for her shadow ( Gavin was with friends )he did not come with us. It made me realize that they are also being sheltered and settling…that just because they dont know better and I make a warm house for them I want more for them outside this house I want them to see that there is more in the world that does not mean Materially it means soulfully….its now or never because when my parents moved me away from where I had my deepest connections in middle school I never got over the fact they took me away from my friends, I was messed up from it and unless my husband is in Milatary or his job is having us move we need to find that peace now..does this mean when I got back from this soulfull place that I want to create our new canvas that I was like ” Yes lets do it lets just move right now” no I was more messed up then before…the reason was that Its natural to feel the fear that I had no fire this morning I was so tired. I was feeling like a victim…reasons being if it was not for my husband and for my father dying and for putting on so much weight and for being pregant and for loosing my thoughts my opinions I would not be here right now…so for today I wanted to drop on my knees and feel anger….and I was crying , angry and Victim and Grumpy.. and I was about to give up and throw the towel in and said to Steve ” I have no fire in me to do this move” what Steve said to me was “Then let me help you create the fire” what he continued to say was ” we can do this and in the process lets keep doing what you have started to do be happy” …….what a rollercoaster what impowerment to live to feel to breath…..and like I said if the house does not sell then we will continue to find peace and shave my head and become mama monk….until then this will all be a process and will be a reiginitement of my fire with help of my tribe memebers and well my husband Steve who is on his own path of healing…and elightment..